It occurs to me that I never write about my personal life and the daft little self-achievements you have to celebrate for the sake of just being happy to be alive and to have accomplished something.
Like a lot of people, I wrestled with my self-image for many years – constantly telling myself that I didn’t deserve to be happy, constantly dissected & criticized myself and hid away in alcohol for a very long time.
I told myself that I was Fat – when I wasn’t – Stupid – despite a stint in College with glowing marks and a love of books & knowledge – and Ugly – Why won’t men leave me alone these days?
It took a long time for me to come down from the Cloud where I used to live with an abundance of Alcohol and Stuffed Animals to then realise that Earth is pretty awesome – as is everyone and everything in it. No-one should ever hide themselves.
There comes a point when you have to realise that everything is Unpolished. There is not a set way to be.
There’s not a Guidebook to What we want from our Lives, What we want to be, Our Interactions with other people or How we should act and conduct ourselves. No-one really knows what they are doing – the Art of Pretending is a Gift. We have to feel our way along – Blind, Drunk or both.
No-one is Factory-Made & User Friendly because life would consist of a set of commands to a programme when instead, we are flesh, and feelings and free – if we want to be.
Here is a set of Modelling I did with Magnolia Photography back in late January 2008 when I was still hiding, but had a lot more Chub: